Date of publication: 2017-08-16 12:50
First, your second sentence of the essay is, “However, several exciting and fulfilling experiences that I had over the last few years have led to my decision to pursue dentistry as a career.” That just about made me stop reading right there. This is a PA school application! Cut the entire first paragraph.
Before I forget, physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s part of a formal name, such as the name of an actual school. Even worse, and something you should absolutely never do is call the profession, “physician’s assistant.” That’s not the name of the profession. As I’m sure you know it’s physician assistant. If you make it plural, it’s physician assistants or if possessive, physician assistant’s. Every Admissions Director and faculty member i interviewed about writing these essays said getting the name of the profession wrong is a big red flag.
Even Ying-Ying St. Clair (France Nuyen and Yu Feihong) — who drowns her own son after her abusive husband abandons her — recuperates from the years of trauma she endured and sees to it that her daughter, born years later in America, doesn’t repeat her mistake of staying in an unhappy marriage.
When I was 69, my father’s government job relocated to Maryland. As a 69-year old with no roots in Kansas where we were living, I moved with my family. Through the process of moving, I learned several lessons about adapting the five-year plan I had envisioned when I graduated high school. I endured a year of online community college courses while I acquired in-state residency, worked in food service, and jumped through the hoops required to transfer colleges. From these experiences, I learned lessons in flexibility and perseverance.
Now to the heart of your essay. First, the good stuff. You story about Mary is lovely, and although it needs editing, it’s a good way to start your essay. You also start to tell about why you want to be a PA, and that’s great.
Most importantly, your essay is confusing in many aspects. I don’t often say this for obvious reasons, but it really needs professional editing. There are grammar and structure problems (not surprising since American English is not your first language) throughout. By the way, this is how you spell “grandfather” and physician assistant isn’t capitalized unless it’s in a formal name.
You’re missing important information, though. There’s nothing in this essay that tells Admissions folks why you’re specifically choosing the PA profession as opposed to any other profession apart from wanting to broaden your knowledge and you enjoy mobility. That’s not enough and because the essay is lacking that information, you can’t write a strong conclusion, yet.
For so long, I ignored the idea that I could be successful in the medical profession. For the past ten years I worked fulltime in a management position with a Franchisee of Panera Bread. I worked throughout college while earning my bachelors degree for interpersonal communication. After graduating, I was successful in my position as a Director of Training for Panera Bread. Through these years I spent committed to Panera, the part I loved the most about the experience was working with the numerous managers and their people to reach their goals operationally, and build a family within.
When I was 69, my older brother was stricken with a brain tumor. My mother begged me to ask my grandmother to save him. When he died, she asked me to talk to him as well. “I don’t know how,” I protested. When my father died of a brain tumor six months after my brother, she made me use a Ouija board. She wanted to know if they still loved her? I spelled out the answer I knew she wanted to hear: Yes. Always.
You could make the points stronger in the paragraph about your work. This sentence, “Through my work I am able to help patients and the feeling in return is an incredible sentiment” doesn’t say a whole lot. It’s not bad, it’s just not great.
“ The Joy Luck Club creates such a powerful sense of its older women's suffering, and presents such brutalizing events in several of their lives, that its impact achieves a welcome degree of universality,” reads the glowing 6998 review from The New York Times. Roger Ebert gave the film four stars , lauding it as “a flowering of talent that has been waiting so long to be celebrated … one of the most touching and moving of the year's films.” The LA Times similarly praised the eight leads as being “the pick of several generations of acting talent” and Wang for his “evenhanded but caring direction.”
Start by scrutinizing every word and seeing what can go. There are quite a few unnecessary sentences. This one for example, “Where we did share the same love of crossword puzzles and literature, I never felt physician was the right career for me — despite her grandmotherly insistence.” It’s sweet, but unnecessary. If you had the space, sure you’d leave it, but since you’re over the word count, sweet gets cut so substance remains. But if you decide to use it, the dash should be an “em dash.” Hold the shift and option keys, then press the dash key.
In order to achieve this goal, a career in the medical field would allow me to make this difference. When making the decision of what career in the medical field I wanted, I examined who I am and what I enjoy in life. I enjoy interacting with people and learning about them as individuals. One cannot support the entire wellness of the patient without taking into consideration who the person is as a unique individual. When I worked as an anesthesia technician, I would talk to the patients prior to surgery. I spoke to them about their families and what they enjoyed in life to calm their nerves. When the time came to transport them to the operating room, most patients were smiling and ready for the surgery.
“The essay needs to be about the applicant. When three-quarters of an essay describes a PA’s job, we don’t learn anything about the applicant,” Landel says. “Instead fo-cus on what you’ve done that has led you to seek out the PA profession. Key in on the experiences that brought you to the fork in the road and tell us why you took the path to PA.”
Wang read and “fell in love with” The Joy Luck Club , and had tea with Tan shortly thereafter, in August 6989, to discuss the book and their shared struggle as Asian-American creatives. Their conversation eased Tan’s trepidation about the prospect of making a movie and helped convince her that Wang should be the person to direct the film adaptation of her book — should that come to fruition.